Dumb Cell Phone Users

Dumb cell phone users drive me crazy. Before you yell at me, notice I didn't say "All" cell phone users. I am a cell phone user myself and I enjoy the convenience of having one. I don't, however, enjoy dumb cell phone users. For an example, if I am at lunch with you, or we're just together having a chat, don't be texting someone else. It makes me feel like my conversation isn't interesting or stimulating enough for you. You have to find someone else to talk to that isn't there. Also, when you're in a movie and they say "turn off your phone" they mean "turn off your phone" not put it on silent. The reason they say that is because the theater knows there are dumb cell phone people that when their phone vibrates they will answer it or text back during the movie. That is a really big pet peeve of mine. Yesterday while reading on MSNBC.com, I came across this article that I had to share. If you are a dumb cell phone user, please read carefully. Learn from the article. If you are a smart cell phone user, still read, you'll just enjoy it more since you'll agree with it. :)

By Daniel Harrison

Cell phones have been annoying folks for ages, but a journalist recently got around punking the president of United States when his phone began quacking during a White House briefing while Barack Obama was speaking. You could chalk it up to an isolated case of forgetfulness. But seriously, now that these gizmos do so much more than just calls, it's a red-letter day if someone doesn't do something annoying with a smartphone. Since smartphones facilitate so many potentially rude behaviors, we need to get on the same page about what nonsense is okay and what nonsense isn't. (Is it rude to quack at the president, or are you a First Amendment visionary?) Fortunately, manners boil down to giving companions the impression, however crazy, that you respect them. Text that, along with these 10 smartphone tips to yourself on your iBerryMotoPhone. We’ll wait. Tweet them too if you think ignoring us for 140 characters is polite. (It isn't.)

1. When able: Pick. Up. The. Freaking. Phone!

Way back before the gods invented Google, when Ma Bell still walked the Earth and telephone handsets could hammer spikes through phonebooks, a ringing phone wrought apoplexy on unsuspecting families. Dogs Pavloved themselves. Kids shouted like the phone was a singing pinata bursting with ponies. And this was before caller ID! A call could be for, or from, anyone. Today, calls to your phone are generally for you from people you like. So why do recipients display the enthusiasm you'd expect from a sloth who’s woken himself by passing gas. “Wha? Is that mine?” Giving digits suggests you’ll pick up. When you don't, your outgoing message indicates the caller doesn’t merit your time, which hurts feelings. And remember, even unrecognized numbers could be your mom calling from the pay phone she just wrapped her car around.

2. But first: Ask if it's OK to pick up the freaking phone

As discussed, a ringing phone could be Mom, trapped shoulder-deep in quicksand (who knows?) dialing bravely with her forehead to ask why you don't visit, and incidentally could you bring some rope. So you do have to answer. But what if you're with someone? Ditching for another conversation is rude, so acknowledge locals first. Politely ask if they mind you checking the call. They HAVE TO SAY YES after all, since everyone knows you're going to pick up anyway. Now pick up, make sure no one’s drowning, and tell the caller you’ll ring back when you’re able. See, everyone feels loved.

3. Texting (tweeting, Facebooking, etc.)

If you were talking to a friend and he suddenly announced he'd rather read a book, would you be offended? How about a magazine? A pamphlet? What length of text is okay? You don’t have to ask if it’s okay to check a text, but it’s nice. If you plan to write a text though, it’s polite to put less-confident companions at ease by explaining why. Their insecure explanation is that someone more interesting is happening elsewhere. Explain that notion away with a “lemme tell Hortence where to find us,” or “Man, Tito would get a kick out of what you said, so I’ll just text him.” Please note: “I’m totally having a better conversation with someone else right now too,” does not work.

4. There are times to avoid calls.

Are you at a meeting, a funeral, the movies? Well, put your dang phone away before someone else does! But really I’m talking bathrooms. Bathroom-talking is weird already, but on the phone it’s wrong all over. You look weird; whoever you called has to ignore your “harrumphings”; and anyone in a stall suddenly faces discomfiting questions about why half-a-conversation invaded his or her “me-time.” Is that a jerk on a phone or a sociopath begging the telepathic dog not to make him kill again? It’s a hefty question if you’re already psyching yourself up to poop in a semi-public venue. Intruding on people nearby sends the message, "Can it, Loser! I'm more important than you." Can you hear me now? Yes. You sound rude.

5. Hold on, when can I use this dang phone?

Wait, you have to pick up all the time, but sometimes it’s rude? Reading texts might be mean? Holy cats this is complicated! Not really. It’s all proximity and urgency. People you’re affecting in person deserve the most attention. As needed you can placate them with explanations and apologies: “Sorry I just have to take this because Dad texted me he’s on fire. You understand right?” They’d better. Next comes urgency. People talking to you in real-time trump texters (unless said texter might urgently need directions or a fire-extinguisher or whatever). Basically, with all the claims on our attention, you just have to make as many people as possible feel like you still find them important and worthwhile.

6. Grandma

This may be a special case of previous rules, but some people get extra consideration. Not only do older folk deserve your attention when they're about, but they're less likely to know what thingamajiggery you're up to with that consarned computerphone. As far as they know, you're treating them like a withered ball of inconvenience just to play Game Boy. Sure some grans are jumping in with both thumbs, but according to Pew, teens are up to 10 times more likely than 65-plusers to do the fancier stuff with their smartphones. Anyway, be cool to old folks. They've earned it.

7. Friends don't text friends driving while, er, drunk-or-something-hold on, I'm on the phone
It’s not just obvious anymore; it’s the law. A bevy of states now insist, legally, that you not text while driving! Turns out even chatting on the phone in the car is dangerous. But texting? Why not bring a magazine, you sassy optimist? Activities that substantially improve your chances of crippling someone are Very Rude Indeed. The British Medical Journal reports drivers on the phone - EVEN USING HANDS-FREE DEVICES - quadruple their chances of crashing. While guiding two tons of steel around at lethal velocity, pay attention! Accidents aside, get your head in the game, Sluggo! University of Utah researchers found phone users slow down by 2 mph. Listen, those folks behind you aren’t driving for giggles. They’re going places, and your jawing’s making them late. Which is rude!

8. Texting while walking

Meanwhile, texting and walking is AWESOME! Check it out! You’d be hard-pressed to improve that high comedy without a monkey in a lamé top hat. But the key here, and it’s embarrassing to explain to grown-ups, is stuff you do to yourself is your business. Stuff that craps up the place for others is rude. When YOU fall over, it’s hilarious! Less so if you land on a baby. But seriously, ER docs are seeing such an upswing in texters walking into traffic that the American College of Emergency Physicians issued a plea to quit fussing with every little digital communiqué and start looking both ways before crossing. Honestly, isn't this the sort of thing your parents were supposed to teach you? When you were young?

9. Your obnoxious ringtone
There’s a fine line between hip and annoying (right, Justin Timberlake?), but that line is microscopic with ringtones. If your phone does anything but just ring, you’ve got responsibilities. First, take your phone with you everywhere. Someone else’s ringing phone is annoying, but making us listen to 15-second lashes of Soulja Boy while you’re elsewhere is downright cruel. Your office mates would like you to know they hope you die. Second, turn the volume down - or off. You know when you’re choosing a ringtone and your crew’s all like, “Aw hell yeah, that’s funky/crunky/whatever?” Now imagine your boss is in the room. Right. Keep the volume low, and if you’re in a meeting (like with the president) turn it off.

10. "Sexting"

Ugh, let's get this out of the way. Sexting is when a person, usually a teenager it seems, takes a picture of his or her bits and sends it to someone else, usually a jerkwad (it seems). No one wants to deny the consenting public such joy as can be contrived by shooting hot coffee out your nose when your beloved sends you a CRAZY picture you unwisely chose to open in a sales meeting. But have a little sense – and I'm probably talking to you here, kids: Before sending anything to anyone, remember they could forward it, even by mistake. And for recipients, for whom manners really are important, there’s actually no such thing as “forwarding by mistake.” We’re onto you. Don’t be that loser.